I'm going to go ahead and apologize ahead of time for this one. It may be a little bit serious comparatively. This is going to be a slight explanation of my post about cheese (http://paterfiliusspiritusquesancti.blogspot.com/2011/07/onml-number-carrot.html), without going too deep into detail. Recently I've been having these dreams, and I've noticed that several of them have taken place in the same place. That got me thinking about why that may be. Both dreams were very different, and didn't even have the same people in it, besides me. My thought process very quickly returned to the whole deal with me seemingly leading two lives at once.
I find myself at a slight impasse. Well, more of a crossroads, and not one where I'm faced with a choice of where to go. This particular crossroads is that of my two "paths" meeting. I believe that in an attempt to make it possible and viable for me to lead these two paths, I have to somehow let them meet at some point in time. I really wish I could explain more about these two paths of which I am speaking, but alas, my life doesn't allow it. Let's just say that I find myself joining these two paths, not at the hip per se, but more at the ankle.
As I sit here thinking, I keep coming to the understanding that I'm trying to establish myself as a man, and as a human being. How, might you ask, am I doing this? Well, I find that I'm tiring of this bubble in which I've been raised, and I want out. I want to experience what it's like outside of this little town that has more churches than streets. I haven't seen the "real world" yet, and as a young man in my twenties, I think I should have by now. And no offense to the university I'm attending, but they aren't exactly helping me figure things out in the "real world" context (I'm attending a fairly strict and conservative Christian school). Now don't get me wrong, I'm not dumping on Christianity, I'm a Christian. I just think it's time my faith and morals be tested a bit. That can't happen in the environment I find myself in. I mean it can be through rhetorical questions and all that jazz, but I'm tired of sitting in philosophy class being asked "What would you do if ___________?" I haven't been given the opportunity to decide what I would do based on my own experiences.
As I look out through the porthole of this veritable submarine I'm in, I notice very diverse situations in the world; ones that I never thought would exist when I began college. I have friends who have been ostracized from their old church, because of their parents leading an alternative lifestyle; I know people who have been devastated by death of friends, and in some cases, their parents; I have friends who don’t' have any relationship with their parents to speak of. I know that college is supposed to be a learning and growing time in life, but I feel left out of the loop attending the one that I am. I'm almost done, and I don't regret any of the time that I've spent there, but I wish I was more prepared for what the world holds in store. There are people here who have experienced bad things in life, but on the whole, most people have seemingly lead a pretty good life.
Am I only seeing this like this because I don't hear everyone's story?
It's an interesting point that you made. We can sit around and talk about the theory and philosophy behind what we would do if something happened? But we can't really know until we are actually challenged, maybe the first time we get our face ground into the concrete we learn form that.
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