Hello, for the third time tonight. I would like to complete the trifecta of dreams that I've started, mainly to appease my professor who has decided that I'm a good trinitarian for dropping three things in a row today in class. However that's neither higgledy nor piggledy. Enjoy:

Paris, Nevada, aliens and tigers. Must be a party!

I had this series of dreams once, almost like a movie saga or something... only not as epic.  Alright, here we go!

What? *Snooze*

Hokay, so here's what went down last semester one time.. read it as if it's a nice sunny Thursday in the middle of plant mating season.

The other morning, as I snoozed through chapel, periodically hitting the snooze button on my alarm, I had a rather interesting experience in my subconscious.  And here it is:

Why So Silent?

Yet again I find myself mired in the clay of insomnia with only the war between silence and the complex workings of my music library to keep me company.  Oh! Look at that, the music won! Either way, I want to extend an apology to all two or three of my faithful readers for not posting for such an extensive period of time.

Is This One of Those Things?

Okay, I just about laughed out a promotional kitten basket over this anecdote which I'm about to eruct. I really shouldn't be sharing this, but it's too funny not to. At work tonight, as my friend and I were standing in the lobby munching on some delicious pepperoni covered goodness, we overheard a person state, ever so confoundingly: "is this one of those things that you shake and it works your upper body?"  Now, we all know what this individual was talking about, don't we? If you say no to that, you need to brush up on the hilarious stupidities of the past few years…. Sigh… I guess I'll explain to those hermits out there that don't know what I'm talking about. A few years ago, this thing came out on the market called the "Shake Weight." Now, this is a weight, a futuristic art nouveau style weight at first glance. But wait! There's more!  If you ordered this product, we'll throw in the instructions for free!  The way you use this "Shake Weight" is by grasping it, and making a very shameful motion with it.  I mean, it's not that hard to do, but it's surely embarrassing.  These are the kinds of things that we can't really mention in front of children.

And now for somethign completely different....

I'm Robby Rudolph! *angry sigh with hand gestures*

So here we are again. I find myself unable to sleep. Sigh….   Since I'm in this position, I thought you all might enjoy an other sneak peak into my life. This time I think I'll clue you guys in on a friend of mine. Now, to complete this "core four" of mine, I'll tell you about someone else. It's not just Elektra, Cecilia, and myself. We have a friend, and a darn good and reliable one at that. His name is Robbie Rudolph <insert the hysterical laughter!> (You'll only understand that if you were with me over this last spring break).  See, when I met Robbie, I hadn't yet met the girls, and it was just him and I going through our days as best friends.

OHML #5

Wow.. It's been quite a long time since I've posted, sorry about that. Tonight... er.. today?  Screw it.  Right now, I'd like to discuss this little thing called sleep.  Sleep is wonderful, it heals you, makes you feel good, fulfills you, gives you those warm fuzzy feelings that remind you of the essence of being happy. Now we all know what else fits all of those adjectives, but that's a topic for a different time... (prayer guys... prayer).  Anyways, back to sleep.

How many?

You've all heard the question, and I'm probably going to get some flak for this one, "How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?"  Yes, I went there, and you all know the answer. Well, in my circle, we have a similar question, "how many people does it take to change a light bulb?"  The answer to that one is 7. Why am I talking about this, you ask?  Well I would like to explain to you the importance of teamwork.  As seen in the picture at the top, teamwork is quite important.  We wouldn't have been able to get that bulb changed if all seven of them hadn't pitched in while me and my friend took a picture and laughed.  

ONML Top Ten List #1

If any of you watch David Letterman (I hope I don't get caught by copyrite laws by saying his name….), you're probably familiar with his "Top Ten" section. Well, I decided that I would copy borrow his genius and put together lists at random of things…

ONML on Music Festivals

So I wrote this a few weeks ago, and should be read as one would read it during Ichthus weekend.

Why hello again all you children. Something that you guys out there in cyberspace may not know is that I’m a slight music junkie… and by that I mean that I find it hard to get through a day without the stuff. It’s not quite like a drug yet, but I love listening to and playing music. Now, I know it’s been a while since I’ve written to you a part of onml, but I wanted to save it for this weekend.

ONML #7

Uh, barista?  There's a chord in my coffee....

So as I sit here in the local coffee shop with the ever so familiar face logo, I find myself thinking about what make me like certain instruments over the other.  No, no I’m not going to say something that puts words in your mouth about inquiring as to what I mean…. I’ll just tell you this time.  Of course, since I’m in a coffee shop, drinking a MASSIVE cup of coffee, I’m going to use a coffee analogy. Now, for all of you who aren’t that knowledgeable on coffee, there are a few things you should know. There are some coffees, usually light roast, that kind of taste really light (obviously) and nutty, or mild. These are usually really smooth. Now, the darker you get, the more intense the flavor gets, the more it bites you as you drink it, and the rougher it is. That’s pretty much all you need to know about coffee to understand my analogy.

ONML number carrot

Would Ya….?

Well, tonight..er..this morning(?)… a thought hit me. I saw my life heading in a directions (yes, the plural was on purpose) that made me ask myself, “Will you separate my curds and whey?”  My first though after this question floated through my head was something along the lines of “Huh?!?!!”  My second thought was to rush to the annals of what-the-crap land and search for the reasoning for this seemingly retarded question.  While in what-the-crap land I realized that in order to make cheese, the curds and whey have to be separated. So, I guess what I’m saying is that I realized that the directions I see my life heading seem to be a test to turn me into a fine aged cheese, (I like to think a good Romano).

Kindergarten Concerto in D- Final Movement

So, I think it’s been long enough since I’ve posted, and I think we’ve spent too much time commiserating with my Kindergarten fallacies.  How do I end this saga? Ah, yes, recess. I’m not sure I remember what all this wondrous occasion completely entailed.  What I do remember however is that from a very early age, I had figured out the point of Recess.  It wasn’t really to get the kids active. It was to get them to interact with each other and learn how to deal with interpersonal problems. Well, I guess getting kids active was part of it.  I remember playing watching others play so many games at recess when I was a kid.  Heck, I even remember what the playground was like.  It was red.  At least the one at my first school was.  My second school had an awesome one. I loved it.  It was mad out of this stuff that was sort of like wood, but also like mud.   The second one has recently been nerfed by safety laws.  I say to that, “Boo you whore!”

So a hot dog, a pepsi, and a brownie walk into a bar...

Gifts… They’re awesome to get.  At least that’s what most people like to think.  Personally, I can’t stand getting them. I always feel like I’m taking advantage of people when they offer me things and I accept.  For example, right now I’m drinking a Pepsi that someone just gave me along with hot dogs and a brownie.  I ate it, out of respect for their hospitality, even though I’m the one that’s supposed to be hospitable. 

Oh No, My Life! #3

Kindergarten Concerto in D - Second Movement

Well, while I was in the proverbial Cootie Corner, to which I was doomed for the remainder of my years at Rosenwald Dumbar Elementary, I quickly and painfully came to the realization that pain is no fun.  Now, keep this in mind, my toadies, that this pain of which I speak was all accidental, and in no way caused by anyone except for inanimate objects. 

Oh No, My Life! #2

So, looking at this project called Oh No, My Life! I realize that it was originally modeled after my good friend Gank's book, called How I Made My Life Awkward, and How I Can Make Yours Awkward Too or something like that. Don't quote me. Here goes:

Kindergarten Concerto in D - First Movement 

Come with me, children, through the sands of time, through Persia, and into outer space.  This was the natural habitat of my mind in elementary school. Which is probably the one thing to which you can attribute the fact that I don't remember much from it, and managed to injure myself so many times during this six year period of time.

Oh No, My Life!

Okay, so a very long time ago one of my friends, who will lovingly be known as Gank, inspired me to write this book, called "Oh No, My Life!"  And it's finally starting... kinda. I wrote this a long time ago as a preface to it, but I never did anything with it. Enjoy...

Well, this is my first venture into writing, so I implore you to bear with me. I would like to preface this book, hence the word “preface” written up top, with how this crazy idea came to fruition. It started a year and a half ago, when I was spending some quality time with my wonderful friends, Gank, Jerica, Mark and Rachael. Gank was trying to set Jerica up with someone and suggested that she start dating me. I forget who it was, but-for hilarity sake- let’s say that it was Mark that said this: “Jerica! You should marry Jacob!” Jerica’s ever so magniloquent and loquacious response was “OH NO!!!!! MY LIFE!!!!!!” Thus the title of the book that you now are reading was born. This resurfaced not too long ago, when, as I was walking with Mr. Mark, I was talking about the fact that I had a song stuck in my head. This is a Swedish song. In Swedish, not English. Mark asked me how it went, so I sang it to him:
“Vi sitter här i venten och spelar lite DotA”
All that Mark heard me saying, as he tried to mimic me, was along the lines of:
“Vee manahahanahanahanumuauhmuhumuh………… DOE TA!!!!”
He asked me what it meant and I didn’t quite know what the exact translation was, so I paraphrased for him: “I’m sitting in my computer room, pushing lots of buttons and making people sleepy.” At this he burst out with laughter and petitioned me to write down my commentary on life. So, in response to that perilous and intriguing request, I am writing the world this colloquial book of my inmost, and somewhat passionate thoughts on…well…the world.

Something Interesting... (Shocker!)

So, I have this horrendously awesome habit of having these dreams that are.... well... let's say... a bit out there. So here's one of my favorites, just because it's in space:

I opened my eyes after slipping into my subconscious state.  Always an adventure in there.  Either way, enough beating around the bush, here goes.  I found myself gazing at the outside of a spaceship shaped like a giant upside-down bowling pin from the inside.  The inside was covered in this really weird carpet.  It was both all white, and purple and teal at the same time.  Purple and teal were split into these triangle shapes that didn't quite seem right.  It was almost like the inside of the ship was pure white, with a teal and purple stained glass light bulb that turned things to carpet.

Here Goes

Weeeelll... First post of my new blog.

Hello all, this is kind of a side project that I came up with on a whim. So, that being said, please bear with me if it's boring (Which it shouldn't be.)