Kindergarten Concerto in D - Second Movement
Well, while I was in the proverbial Cootie Corner, to which I was doomed for the remainder of my years at Rosenwald Dumbar Elementary, I quickly and painfully came to the realization that pain is no fun. Now, keep this in mind, my toadies, that this pain of which I speak was all accidental, and in no way caused by anyone except for inanimate objects.
Now, for a five-year-old child, a boo-boo is not exactly what you want. It's not like the kite I got at my seventh birthday party, which was attend by a guy named Seth. But he's not important. The important thing is that I had a lot of ouchies when I was a kid. Now, my most memorable one happened in the lobby at my school. Well, kinda in between the lobby and the bathroom. I may need to explain this a bit. I walked into the restroom that fateful day that held a lesson for me. That lesson is just this: Never, and I mean NEVER try and stop a door that weighs two hundred times your own weight by sticking your index finger into the hinge area. I would not be doing it justice by saying it hurts. I would dare to compare it to being shot, an experience in which I've never had the pleasure of partaking.
So, imagine with me, if you will, a hysterical five year old tearing out of the restroom with waterfalls spraying out of his face. That was me. My mom happened to be there at that point, and she managed to restrain me enough to get me to shut up. I was very loud. The thing that got me to calm down though, wasn't my mom, it was someone else's mom. Now, I wish I knew this lady still, because she knew the way to my heart. It's like she was a sage, or a soothsayer or something. The one thing that could calm this little typhoon of noise and pain in an instant: a green skittle. I'm telling you, this lady was a genius with kids, and I didn't even know who it was. All I knew in that moment was that I had something worth a thousand boo-boos, a green piece of chewy sugar. I will take this secret to the hearts of children with me forever. So remember, to get noisy kids to be quiet, sugar works for the moment, but probably not for the long run. (I think I was just enraptured in the color).
To continue on with my lessons about injuries in kindergarten, I would like to make you all privy to an incident that actually happened outside of school. Back when I lived in the old red brick house, as it was lovingly known, my brother and I loved to play outside. Well, one day, we were running into the street with reckless abandon... Bad idea on my part. This isn't because there were cars coming, which there were, but I didn't get that far. My big toe decided to get wrapped up in a piece of grass. Now, this is hard to do, and it takes a true master to achieve this level of ineptitude, and I don't suggest trying to learn. Needless to say, I went careening across my yard, and face-planted the sidewalk like Jean-Luc Picard's face to his hand. So short story short, I skinned my nose by tripping over a piece of grass. Lovely, no?
Now, this project is supposed to be a reflection of everything that I've learned from all the stupid things I've done, so what, you ask, did I learn from this particular period of my kindergarten life? Well, one, Know your place in the world, and only take on things that you can physically achieve. Otherwise you'll end up incapacitated until you get a green skittle. Two, mothers know best. And the third, and most likely the most important one: Always look both ways before crossing the road... IF you make it that far like I didn't.
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